8 Signs You May Be an Outgoing Introvert

There are introverts, extroverts, and then there’s you - falling somewhere in between.

The term "outgoing introvert" is an oxymoron on par with "jumbo shrimp" and "deafening silence," but for people who fall into this category, life can be an unusual mix of traits and tendencies that only they can truly appreciate. 

So what are the signs that you're an outgoing introvert?

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social - When you're an outgoing introvert it’s hard for you to meet people that you like. You can be simultaneously charming as hell, but also introspective and reflective to an annoyingly mind-numbing degree. You live inside your head, but can also be the life of the party - it all depends on the people surrounding you.
2. Meeting someone you really like can feel like finding the Chupacabra - Outgoing Introverts HATE small talk and avoid it at all costs, but when it’s inevitable that they have to interact with people, they can’t help but to try and make the other person feel comfortable. According to Psychology Today, the reason you may not like someone when you first meet them may be as simple as that the person you just met is an extrovert. Outgoing introverts, though still introverts at their core, tend to view extroverts as basic, simple, annoying, overconfident and pushy. This natural, almost subconscious tendency serves as a filter, often referred to as a first impression, through which a person’s future words and actions are judged. 
3. Coffee can actually be counter-productive for you - The Science of Us writer Melissa Dahl reported on findings from psychologist Brian Little's latest book on personality science, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being, which showed that introverts are better off avoiding caffeine before a big meeting or important event. Since you have spectrums of introversion, coffee can actually overstimulate your central nervous system that may cause you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, rather than excited and engaged. 
4. You probably hate traditional systems -Most of our societal constructs cater to the extrovert - from large office spaces to loud bars to the structure of our educational system - despite the fact that anywhere from one-third to half of the population has an introverted temperament. Since an outgoing introvert can feel distracted or vulnerable when they are in overstimulating environments, you probably dislike traditional systems. 
5. People always confuse you for an extrovert - Extroverts and outgoing introverts may seem almost the same on the surface, and if you’re an outgoing introvert you’ve probably been called an extrovert many times. Though the way extroverts and outgoing introverts process the world is quite different. Since introverts and extroverts have different world perspectives, they view each other as different and thus are naturally predisposed against one another. Extroverts focus on the outside world, while outgoing introverts remain mostly introspective.
6. You can be the life of the party, but you need time to warm up - While you may enjoy being the center of attention, you feel best it in a controlled environment. You need time to warm up. You tend not to outwardly express your feelings and spill your whole life story in the first hour of meeting someone. Or the first year. You have no interest or energy to prove yourself in a crowd of strangers.
7. Your energy level depends on your environment - Outgoing Introverts often need to recharge after a large use of social energy. That’s why many people often annoy the outgoing introvert and social settings are often tricky for them; it’s usually a hit or miss. If you vibe with the crowd or a person, you can get your energy from human interactions. But if you don’t, those social interactions end up draining your social batteries and the extroverts in the room end up annoying the crap out of you for sometimes no specific reason. And when your batteries are drained and you’re annoyed, you will tend towards withdrawal into yourself. 
8. You probably didn’t even know you were an outgoing introvert - Since you're not completely an introvert nor an extrovert, in can literally take years to figure out that you’re an outgoing introvert. But once you do, you can understand why so many people easily annoy you and why you sometimes process experiences through your brain's "reward" centers quite differently than other people. In fact, a 2013 study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that people who are naturally introverted do not process rewards from external factors as strongly as extroverts do. So since you fall somewhere in the middle, that can sometimes explain why you're such a conundrum.

7 Ways to Survive Social Situations as an Outgoing Introvert

You cringe at the thought of pretentious nightclubs with forced conversations or first dates where you have to awkwardly but politely sit across from each other asking “get to know each other” questions. And networking events? Yeah, good luck getting you to voluntarily go to one of those.

As a person included in the world around you, you’re bound to find yourself in social situations like these that you can't help but be in. But as an outgoing introvert, these situations can be brutal - you’re selectively social and your energy and mood depend on a lot on how well you vibe with people around you, making social engagements pretty tricky. You’re just a little puzzle, waiting to be solved.

But until then:

1. Don’t take things too personally
2. Don’t worry about being anyone else's "social life jacket"
3. Don’t drink coffee before a social event…
4. Instead, have a drink
5. Bring backup
6. Don't feel obliged to justify yourself
7. After the event, find a quiet place to recharge your social batteries

According to Psychology Today, the reason you may not like someone when you first meet them may be as simple as that the person you just met is an extrovert. Outgoing introverts, though still introverts at their core, tend to view extroverts as basic, simple, annoying, overconfident and pushy. This first impression or natural (almost subconscious) tendency serves as a filter, through which a person’s future words and actions are judged.

Though people might often confuse you for an extrovert, the way you process the world is quite different from the way an extrovert does. Be aware that you have different world perspectives, and this might be the reason you view other people as different, so you're naturally predisposed against one another. If you’re aware of this subconscious tendency, you can start working on not taking things so personally. You’re just different - ‘sall good!

As an outgoing introvert, you’re really sensitive to people’s emotions around you. It’s just your intuitive nature. But remember: you don’t always have to go out of your way to make other people feel comfortable and happy.

People often expect you to be their social life jacket because you're probably a charming bastard. But in reality, you're probably just as unconformable yourself. It’s okay to be selfish at times, and that includes at social events. 

There’s nothing I love more than getting jittery and nervous at a social event. As much fun as that is, avoid coffee before an important or social event. Being an outgoing introvert, you have spectrums of introversion, so coffee can actually overstimulate your central nervous system that may cause you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, rather than excited and engaged.

You don’t need any more stimulation, you have a sly eye for detail and you’re probably already picking up on everything around you.

Or two. If you don’t drink, have something relaxing, like chamomile tea. Drink something that gets you feeling good. Trust me, it will make a difference.

A wingman/wing-woman or anyone you feel comfortable with. A social event is bound to have a small talk - which you pretty much despise. But it’s not because you dislike people - you dislike the barriers like small talk (which often comes with going out) creates between people.

As an outgoing introvert, if you vibe with people around you, you can be the life of the party. But if you feel like people around you are unauthentic, you’ll start to withdraw into yourself and over-think everything.

That’s what your wing-person is there for, if you don’t click with people around you, they’ll be there for backup to throw shade with you and give you a break from your head.

You don't have to justify your enigmatic ways to anyone. Embrace them. You're not distant - you just crave authenticity, which actually gives you a psychological leg up on the people who are still trying to work out relationships or keep up appearances that just aren’t meant for them.

You don't like to waste your time with things that don't matter, so if you're not feeling the social event, just stay as long as you have to, then bounce. Wherever you live your life the happiest is the place you should do it.

If you leave the event/party feeling annoyed, find a place you can be alone, where you're left in solitude to unwind and recover from your large use of social energy. That’s where your close relationship with Netflix and Seamless account/delivery person comes in handy.

There's an epidemic going around: a ‘hot girl attitude’ epidemic that's spreading like a virus, infecting millions. It’s an epidemic that's been spreading since the invention of the dress, though you, "outcast turned hot-girl," are immune. Somewhere between adolescence and womanhood, you started getting attention for your looks and society had deemed you “hot," but the arrogance that often goes with that attention never quite caught up to you. 

You’re now a rare breed...hot, but without the terrible "hot girl" personality that's typically associated with being an exceptionally good looking member of our species. People are drawn to you, because you're different. Growing up, you probably felt like a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios. But while you probably didn’t know it at the time, being an outcast in school was the best thing that ever happened to you, for a number of reasons: 

1. You’re actually nice

You’re nice to everyone because you know what it feels like when people aren’t. Being an outcast may have healed over time, but the scars never fully faded, which is not a bad thing. You still remember what it felt like to not fit in and you go out of your way to make sure people around you are happy and feel good. You're extremely open minded and sensitive to people's feelings because you understand the importance of accepting other people and you never want others to feel what you felt.

2. You’re confident, but not just because of your looks

You know your own worth and you’re confident, but that confidence comes from within. Your passions defines you more than your looks. This came from years of relying on your personality. Because you never thought you were the pretty girl in the room, you never relied on your looks. You hold things close to your heart, and people want to know you and be around you.

3. You’re still surprised when people tell you that you’re pretty

You're humble. Growing up you never fit in, and just because you grew into a beautiful creature doesn't mean you think you are one. You never let looks define who people are; it takes a lot more than flattering features for you to think someone is attractive.

4. You don't follow the masses and you don’t need the approval of others

You don't really give a shit what other people think. Being an outcast taught you that just because something is popular, doesn't mean it has quality. You always investigate things for yourself. Being an outcast taught you to have your own opinions about the world around you because you know that letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life will ensure that you will never reach your full potential.

5. Your wisdom and opinions define who you are much more than your looks do

You speak your mind, and you don't let others intimidate you. You get scared but you never let your fears prevent you from chasing your dreams. You have your own opinions about people, you don't let certain stigmas affect how you feel about a person. You know that sometimes some of the greatest human beings are misunderstood. You're very selective about who you let into your world, but that's because you don't waste time with people that make you unhappy.

Nur Faisal from the University of Waterloo, one of the researchers involved in the study, told phys.org that it might be possible for the minimum time scale in the universe to actually be much larger than Planck time. He also said that this can be “directly tested experimentally.”

No experiment has ever come close to examining Planck time directly because it is so short. Nevertheless, as phys.org points out, there is a good amount of theoretical support for the existence of Planck time. Faisal explains: “In our paper, we have proposed that time is discrete in nature, and we have also suggested ways to experimentally test this proposal.”

The modified quantum mechanical equation predicts a slightly different rate of spontaneous emission than that predicted by the unmodified equation, within a range of uncertainty. The proposed effects may also be observable in the decay rates of particles and of unstable nuclei.

The Illusion of Reality

According to the rules of quantum mechanics, our observations, and as some scientists like to call them, ‘factors associated with consciousness,’ influence the universe at the most fundamental levels. When physicists look at reality at the smallest scales, it becomes clear that an atom’s behavior is dependent on the physicist’s observations.

The physical universe is really like a movie/motion picture, in which a series of still images shown on a screen creates the illusion of moving images. Thus, if this view is taken seriously, then our conscious precipitation of physical reality based on continuous motion becomes an illusion produced by a discrete underlying mathematical structure. This proposal makes reality platonic in nature. However, unlike other theories of platonic idealism, our proposal can be experimentally tested and not just be argued for philosophically.

The delayed choice experiment illustrates how what happens in the present can change what happens(ed) in the past. It also shows how time can go backward, how cause and effect can be reversed, and how the future caused the past.

To understand the delayed choice experiment, you have to understand the quantum double slit experiment, which is used to show how factors associated with consciousness create different behaviors in an atom, as mentioned earlier.

In this experiment, tiny bits of matter (photons, electrons, or any atomic-sized object) are shot towards a screen that has two slits in it. On the other side of the screen, a high-tech video camera records where each photon lands. When scientists close one slit, the camera will show us an expected pattern, as seen in the video below. But when both slits are opened, an “interference pattern” emerges – they begin to act like waves. This doesn’t mean that atomic objects are observed as a wave (even though it recently has been observed as a wave), but rather that each photon individually goes through both slits at the same time and interferes with itself, but it also goes through one slit, and it goes through the other. Furthermore, it goes through neither of them. The single piece of matter becomes a “wave” of potentials, expressing itself in the form of multiple possibilities, and this is why we get the interference pattern.

How can a single piece of matter exist and express itself in multiple states, without any physical properties, until it is “measured” or “observed”? Furthermore, how does it choose which path, out of multiple possibilities, it will take?

Then, when an “observer” decides to measure and look at which slit the piece of matter goes through, the “wave” of potential paths collapses into one single path. The particle goes from becoming, again, a “wave” of potentials into one particle taking a single route. It’s as if the particle knows it’s being watched. The observer has some sort of effect on the behavior of the particle.

Multiple experiments have found that factors associated with consciousness “significantly” correlated in predicted ways with perturbations in the double-slit interference pattern. (source)

You can view a visual demonstration/explanation of the double slit experiment here.

This quantum uncertainty is defined as the ability, “according to the quantum mechanic laws that govern subatomic affairs, of a particle like an electron to exist in a murky state of possibility — to be anywhere, everywhere or nowhere at all — until clicked into substantiality by a laboratory detector or an eyeball.” (New York Times)

According to physicist Andrew Truscott, lead researcher from a study published by the Australian National University, the experiment suggests that “reality does not exist unless we are looking at it.” It suggests that we are living in a holographic-type of universe. (source)

So, how is all of this information relevant to the concept of time? Just as the double slit experiment illustrates how factors associated with consciousness collapse the quantum wave function (a piece of matter existing in multiple potential states) into a single piece of matter with defined physical properties (no longer a wave, all those potential states collapsed into one), the delayed choice experiment illustrates how what happens in the present can change what happens(ed) in the past. It also shows how time can go backwards, how cause and effect can be reversed, and how the future caused the past.

Like the quantum double slit experiment, the delayed choice/quantum eraser has been demonstrated and repeated time and time again. For example, Physicists at The Australian National University (ANU) have conducted John Wheeler’s delayed-choice thought experiment; their findings were recently published in the journal Nature Physics. (source)

This idea was first brought to the forefront by John Wheeler in 1978, which is why I am going to end this article with his explanation of the delayed choice experiment. He believed that this experiment was best explained on a cosmic scale.

Cosmic Scale Explanation

He asks us to imagine a star emitting a photon billions of years ago, heading in the direction of planet Earth. In between, there is a galaxy. As a result of what’s known as “gravitational lensing,” the light will have to bend around the galaxy in order to reach Earth, so it has to take one of two paths: go left or go right. Billions of years later, if one decides to set up an apparatus to “catch” the photon, the resulting pattern would be (as explained above in the double slit experiment) an interference pattern. This demonstrates that the photon took one way, and it took the other way.

One could also choose to “peek” at the incoming photon, setting up a telescope on each side of the galaxy to determine which side the photon took to reach Earth. The very act of measuring or “watching” which way the photon comes in means it can only come in from one side. The pattern will no longer be an interference pattern representing multiple possibilities, but a single clump pattern showing “one” way.

What does this mean? It means how we choose to measure “now” affects what direction the photon took billions of years ago. Our choice in the present moment affected what had already happened in the past….

This makes absolutely no sense, which is a common problem when it comes to quantum physics. Regardless of our ability make sense of it, however, it is very real.

This experiment also suggests that quantum entanglement (which has also been verified; read more about that here) exists regardless of time — meaning two bits of matter can actually be entangled, again, in time.

- Arjun Walia

Nothing I can say will ease any of the pressure in your chest.

I keep thinking, “What would I like to hear?” The answer is nothing.

It doesn’t make me feel any better to hear about others’ experiences, that it takes time or that I just need to go through it which is all true and we knew that already. No one can tell you when you’ll be able to breathe again or when you’ll start thinking of him/her once in a blue moon instead of once every moment.

But here’s the good part, what I believe with my whole heart: We. Will. Heal.

In the meantime, know it’s okay to:

Give ourselves bad days…but never three in a row. 

Sometimes we need a pity party. Sometimes we need to eat an entire cheesecake and watch Gilmore Girls from start to finish. And that’s okay. We are allowed to not take a shower, stay in our Snoopy pajamas and sing to the Titanic soundtrack. We can do these things. But we cannot judge ourselves afterward. We made the choice, we embraced that so we need to own it yet do not dwell too long. We are better than that. We love ourselves more than that. And if you don’t at this moment, know that I do.

Keep only healthy people around, those that listen and love.

The ones that are patient and can gauge whether we need to be listened to for the 750th time or when we are just being masochistic and need to get motivated.

Stay away from temptation that wouldn’t normally be there when we are emotionally sound.

Anyone or anything we try to use as a substitute will not be enough. Other man-cubs will not fill the void. Stay away from texting, social media stalking or saying the words “I miss you” or “maybe someday” to the ex. This is harsh but if they wanted us, nothing would stop them from being with us. “Someday” would be today. And f*ck, we are worth fighting for.  If for whatever reason (often it is his/her own self-standing in their own way) they walk away, that is their deficiency and their problem. They may claim they still love us, but what they are really saying is “I want you to still love me.”

“Maybes” and “some days” will halt all healing. And we would wait. Forever. They will find other people to distract them from reaching their potential but we cannot stunt our own.

If you worry that they won’t miss you—don’t. They will miss you. I guarantee it. You are unforgettable, you are special and I know this because you are my friend.

Allow all feelings. 

Even the hurtful and shameful ones. Miss the person you broke up with.

If we let the feelings happen and stretch to every part of our bodies, we can let them go. If not, well, I made the mistake of holding on so tight and the result was an uncontrollable emotional outburst in a grocery store weeping over York peppermint patties and potted plants. Yep, don’t ask. But seriously, repression leads to the feelings leaking out all over the place when we really need them not to.

Date your own damn self.

Self-flagellation will only get us in a deeper ditch—be kind to yourself. Learning to be alone again is hard enough when we aren’t calling ourselves names. Besides, those shoes you’ve wanted to buy will arm you in war paint and make your step more powerful. Power is our friend.

Friend, one day someone is going to choose us. Because that’s what real relationships are—a choice. Love may hit us like a ton of bricks or like a slow warmth of a sunrise but the staying power, commitment, trust, and loyalty…that is all a choice. A choice we make daily.

A friend once wrote me about a mother telling her daughter’s fiance, “From the moment you put that ring on her finger, there is no one better, brighter, more talented, more beautiful, more caring, more exemplary, more anything than her, because let me tell you, if you look for it, you will find it! And she will find better than you! But the fact that you are committed to each other means that there is no one better, you will help each other become better, you will make each other more than all the other things you see that you might think you want when things get hard.”

So, dear friend, I wish that for you—when all the blood, sweat and tears of this heartbreak become an echo, I pray for that.

I pray for you and me both.

- Stacy Lynn Gould

I’ve often wondered about the effect technology has on our moods and sense of well-being. We’re social creatures by nature with a thirst for information. Today, there’s no shortage of content to consume, and there are more people to share it with than ever. Some could argue the digital age is what the industrial era was to the men who build America. Gates, Jobs, Zuckerberg are the new Rockefeller, Carnegie, Morgan.  Technology is our new infrastructure. It has evolved the way we communicate; it propels capitalism and our global economy; it is exploited and manipulated along the way. It has fundamentally changed everything, including the way the human brain is wired.

The evolution of the technology sector brings significant improvements to our quality of life. Today, we can escape from our desks and work from anywhere. Mothers and fathers can office from home, allowing us to create stronger bonds within our families. We can perform tasks in half the time, and if we use it wisely, that extra time is ours to spend pursuing more fulfilling objectives. Exotic travel. Training for marathons. Volunteering. Socializing. We have more time to enjoy life, thanks to technology.

Then there are mass media. And more specifically, mobile media. The newest trillion dollar industry is built to cater to a more efficient world, expanding seamlessly into the time and space where leisure once lived. Their products are designed to act as our fifth limb– to pull at our pleasure sensors– encouraging maximum usage and consumption of content. Delectable, juicy, uselessly tasty content. As a result, mass media filters into our lives through the devices we rely on to make a living.

That’s where it get complicated for me. You are most likely reading this during your coffee break, during the time you could have spent playing with your dog, or calling your mom.  My livelihood exists within this mobile media space. It’s where I’ve built W&D, it’s how I’ve connected with readers and followers, it’s where clients find me, it’s where I share inspiration and essays like this one. It’s also where I spend the majority of my own leisure time.

Given the increased frequency of my depressive states and ADD diagnosis, the writing is on the wall. I needed to look closely at my media consumption and technology usage. It’s affecting my health and it’s affecting my life. I needed to figure out why the simple act of sharing a beautiful moment on Instagram had become damaging to my health. If I redesign my living room or put together a lovely meal, or maybe I’m seeing the world in PERFECT LIGHT, is it the same experience without thousands of “likes” from perfect strangers? Why was I feeling compelled to share every clever thought I had on Twitter? What had Wit & Delight become? What did it mean to me?

So last Thursday, I deleted the apps Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Vine— the forms of social media I abuse most (even though I don’t actively post to all of them)— from my phone and started a mood journal. After a moment of quiet contemplation, like a nervous tick, I thought, “I should tweet about this.”

The three days that followed were terrible. My mood worsened and I became more lethargic. My thoughts were shaming and I began to question taking a career path that requires I stay active on social media. I shamed myself for not pursuing a career of substance and contribution. I wasn’t using the extra time for constructive activities; I was feeling sorry for myself. I missed communicating with the people I follow. I missed sharing my disconnected thoughts on Twitter. At my lowest point, I just wanted to sign on to Facebook to read status updates from people who think the Onion is a real news outlet. I missed the feeling of tumbling down the internet’s rabbit hole at 3 am, just like any good addict misses their drug of choice. The question I was left to answer was this: If I don’t share my life on social media, does Wit & Delight exist?

On Sunday, the clouds parted and my mind started to clear. I didn’t reach for my phone. Instead, I made my first batch of homemade ricotta and blueberry balsamic ice cream for a dinner we were hosting earlier in the week. I started a loaf of no-knead bread for the smattering of crostini we’d serve and looked into wine pairings. That afternoon, I began our bathroom makeover, selected light fixtures and picked out wallpaper. I napped with our puppy and played in the leaves. We went on walks. Instead of wasting hours watching HGTV and flipping through Twitter, I listened to the classical radio station, read the book on my nightstand and flipped through old holiday issues of Gourmet before falling asleep at 10:30. When I woke up, I had more energy and clarity than I had in years. I began to remember what it was like pre-Instagram when I’d spend all day doing the things that delighted me without posting an entry in my visual diary.

The little experiment did shed light on my reliance on social media, and in many ways, my mood is just as affected by other distractions on my phone and computer. I’m feeling much better, but I’m still at risk of slipping into another depressive state. All that aside, the process ended up being surprisingly cyclical. I was reminded that my social media footprint was created to promote self-discovery, and that doesn’t have to change because Wit & Delight existed before it’s content reached millions. It’s a point of view and a filter; it’s my leisure, my creative laboratory, my outlet. Somehow along the way, I forgot to take the time to savor and process these moments myself, and for my little family. Wit & Delight is a part of me– a real, live, human being. A real life that I live, and will continue to live, should I decide to part with social media for good.

Plenty of people navigates the mobile media world with ease and grace. Plenty of people has unhealthy relationships with mass media and technology. The point of sharing my experiment is to discuss the link between social sharing and our mental well-being and to raise questions about the relationship and reliance on our digital footprint. How real and impactful is an online persona? Does this mean it is essential to becoming more human in the digital world? If yes, how do we do it with authenticity, care, and purpose? Is curating a hyper-idealized, editorial version of yourself just another way of catfishing your followers? How do we be more human without disclosing too much of ourselves? Or, will have to find new ways to cope with our connectedness in order to keep up with an increasingly digital environment?

I’m not sure how to answer these questions yet, but they’ve got me heading in the right direction. After all, it’s not about how other people are using social media, it’s about setting our own boundaries. Given all the new questions I’m left pondering, I did come up with a few learnings from the week offline:

1. Presence is important. It is a requirement for self-awareness. It requires paying attention, not being the center of attention.

2. Pleasure and privacy are to be taken seriously.

3. Social media itself isn’t really the problem, it’s how you use it.

4. A performance for an audience of one can be just as impactful as one for the masses.

5. I’m the happiest living between the crinkled pages of Gourmet Magazine, head in the clouds, heart in the kitchen.

- Kate Arends

You leave your elbows off the dinner table and understand the importance of a nice, firm handshake. Congrats! You’re a generally well-mannered person. But do you know which hand you should wave with? Or which seat to offer your boss in the back of a town car? There are tons of little-known etiquette rules that most people break every single day. Etiquette expert Joy Weaver, the author of How to Be Socially Savvy in All Situations, lets us in on the 10 most common blunders—and provides a crash course on being proper.

1. Coughing into Your Right Hand.

Covering your mouth when you sneeze or a cough is good manners. Using your right hand to do it? That’s bad. “Your right hand is your social hand,” Weaver says. “It should be available for shaking hands, waving, and blowing kisses.” Your left hand, meanwhile, is what she dubs your “personal” hand: “That’s the hand you use for coughing, scratching, sneezing, whatever it is we don’t want to talk about.” The reason for the distinction, she explains, is simple politeness—you don’t want to sneeze into one hand, then absentmindedly use that palm to shake hands with a new colleague.

2. Wearing Your Handbag On Your Right Shoulder/Slinging It Over the Back Of Your Chair.

To keep your “social” hand free for greetings, it’s best to keep your handbag — or cocktail! — in your left hand. That way, says Weaver, “you don’t have to take the time to switch it over to the other arm when you’re reaching out to shake someone’s hand.” (Of note: Queen Elizabeth always keeps her tote on her left.) While you’re at it, never place your handbag on the back of a chair when you’re seated at a table. The proper spot, says Weaver, is on the floor to your right.

3. Calling It A “Purse.”

That term is reserved for any clutch, tote, satchel, etc. that costs less than $100. “A purse is something that is relatively inexpensive,” notes Weaver. “A handbag is more expensive. You should never go into Neiman Marcus and ask for their purse department. They don’t have one.”

4. Sitting Down Wrong.

To avoid collisions at the dinner table, always approach your chair from the left-hand side and exit on the right, says Weaver. And if you need to use the restroom during the meal, never announce your intentions to the group. Suggests the pro, “Just say, ‘Excuse me,’ and step away.”

5. Passing the Salt Without the Pepper.

“They’re like a little couple,” Weaver says of the salt-and-pepper shakers. “You never want to separate them.” The theory: even if one diner asks only for the salt, the person next to them may want both, so they should be kept together. And remember—always pass to the right!

6. Applauding Incorrectly.

Study celebrities at any major awards show: not everyone is properly recognizing the winners. The correct way to applaud is just slightly to your left, about chest height. Says Weaver, “You never want to clap in front of your own face and you sure don’t want to clap in front of someone else’s.”

7. Claiming the Best Seat in The Car …

The power seat in any limo is to the back and the right. That’s the one you should leave for your boss “or whoever is the person of prominence or honor,” says Weaver. The next person in line gets to claim the seat to the left, while the junior person usually gets the middle. (Note: the same does not apply to riding with your siblings.)

8. … And Climbing in Wrong.

When entering a vehicle, first sit down, then swing your legs in. “It’s the appropriate way to do it,” says Weaver. “And it’s classy.” As an added bonus, it prevents any skirt-wearing ladies from accidentally flashing their companions.

9. Pointing at Your Friend.

“We can point at something,” says Weaver, “but we never point at someone. If you must point out across the room to your pal, you may gesture, but be sure to use an open hand."

10. Using a Revolving Door Improperly.

Holding the door? You’ve got that one down. But when faced with a revolving door, it's polite to enter first. Explains the pro, “You never want your client or date to have to push while you’re behind them just prancing in. It’s about making the other person feel special and making it easier on them.” What it isn’t about, she says, is showing off. “It should never be, ‘How about me, I know all of these things,’” notes Weaver. Because being a braggart—well, that’s just rude.

- Sarah Grossbart

When we listed our choices for the worst fonts ever, we were surprised to find out that many of you disagreed with some of our selections. We received several comments from readers who saw value in the fonts that we ridiculed or thought we had unfairly judged some of the fonts we selected.

But it’s something we should have expected—after all, that’s the power that fonts have on people. Just the act of looking at a certain font face can involuntarily stir up powerful emotions or instill a sense of nostalgia. This is why a font like Comic Sans can be so hated by designers and yet so widely used; because Comic Sans was designed to feel fun and playful, and that’s a tough emotion to resist.

If you want to choose a font that generates an emotional connection between your audience and your design, you first have to understand the psychology of fonts.

Consider the Walt Disney logo design—ask any six-year-old to identify the logo, and they’ll know exactly which business it belongs to. But ask the same child to identify the individual letters in that script font, and you’ve got a problem. Even that first letter “D” looks more like a backwards letter “G.”

So why does a company like Disney actively market to six-year-olds using such a complicated, hard-to-read script font? It’s because of a psychological theory known as the Gestalt principles of design, which say that the brain tends not to focus on the individual pieces of a design, but rather applies a universal understanding to the design in its entirety.

So in the case of the Walt Disney logo, the six-year-olds in the audience aren’t actually reading every single letter, they’re looking at the entire word as a whole and applying meaning to the entirety of the logo. The font may not be very readable, but it carries an emotional weight to it and delivers a subconscious message of whimsy and nostalgia. These emotional values are much more important to the brand’s identity than legibility.

In print media, your best opportunities to utilize fonts with an emotional impact are in the logo and the headline text, because these are the only times when emotion matters more than readability. Emotions create personality, which is what is what elevates a font from just text on the page to a serious visual design component unto itself.

To help you better understand, we’ve decided to put our own logo under the microscope to show you how your font choices can have a drastic impact on the personality you convey to the audience. Our normal logo is a sans serif font, which we feel matches our personality as a friendly, modern, forward-thinking brand. When you change the font on our logo, it radically changes the audience’s perception of our brand.

Serif fonts carry a distinguished feeling of heritage and pedigree. They make a brand feel respectable and reliable, instilling the audience with a sense of comfort that they’re in the hands of someone reputable and stable.

When you add serifs to the Company Folders logo, it makes the brand seem stoic and traditional. It would make for a fitting logo choice if it were more closely aligned with our brand identity, but this font (Heuristica) is a little too uptight and old-fashioned for our tastes.

Audiences perceive sans serif fonts as clean and simplistic in a modern way. They allow the message to speak for itself without hiding behind a façade—straight and to the point in an objective way. Sans serif fonts are typically used in digital design, so they carry a reputation for being contemporary and current no matter what decade you use them in.

Our logo is already a sans serif font, so it felt like cheating to just show you the same logo all over again. This time, we choose a different sans serif font (Caviar Dreams) to show you how even two fonts in the same font family can create completely different emotional messages. The new font feels a little more direct (but also a little less friendly) than our usual logo.

Script fonts (and by extension most handwritten fonts) inspire feelings of elegance, grace and femininity. Handwriting is often used in expressions of affection, so audiences perceive these typefaces as personal, creative and genuinely heartfelt.

Adding a script font (Carrington) to the Company Folders logo transforms it into something that would be more appropriate if we sold greeting cards instead of presentation folders. It may look pretty, but it delivers the wrong message about our brand and the type of work that we do.

Since display fonts are meant to be, well, displayed at a large size (generally 14 pts. or higher), they tend to have big personalities in order to draw an audience. Display fonts have to be a little on the loud side, so they’re often designed to be friendly or amusing and grab people’s curiosity.

We decided to use a really flashy display font (Bigfish) in our example to show how drastically different it is from our normal Company Folders logo. It’s certainly eye-catching, but not in a way that’s authentic to our brand. We like to have fun, but this is a little too zany.

Audiences find modern fonts to be progressive, stylish and just plain cool. They can run the gamut from strong and sharp to futuristic and intelligent. They don’t just reflect the here and now, they set trends and the brands that utilize them carry the same reputation with audiences. Modern fonts reflect the possibilities that tomorrow may bring.

We’re a modern company, so replacing the Company Folders logo with a modern font (Prototype) doesn’t look half bad. However, it’s a little too technical and almost seems like something you might see in a sci-fi movie. It’s Silicon Valley meets Star Trek-not quite right for a company that sells printed products.

Decorative fonts are highly stylized and out of the ordinary, bringing fun and joy into a design and relaxing audiences with an informal atmosphere. They’re best judged on a case-by-case basis because the implications of the design can change from font to font.

Since the decorative font in our example (Impact Label) is designed to represent office labels, it conjures up feelings of organization and authority by reminding the audience of official documents or office culture. It’s actually quite fitting for a company that sells presentation folders-but you have to be careful with decorative fonts. Some recipients might instead associate this look with a punk rock, underground, DIY aesthetic. Decorative fonts can be an emotional minefield if you’re not careful, and you have to be sure your audience is going to respond to them the way you want them to.

Understanding font psychology takes more than just knowing what emotional baggage the audience carries with regard to certain font families. There are other subconscious effects a font can have on the brain. Knowing how the human brain deciphers and perceives a certain font can help you to unlock its true potential or avoid any hidden pitfalls that might hinder your message.

The more familiar your audience is with the font you choose, the more likely they are to trust you and the message that you’re trying to convey. This is why even with so many font choices to choose from, many designers just stick to the classics like Helvetica and Impact. Deviate too far from the norm and you risk alienating your audience.

This doesn’t mean you have to make your designs blend into the crowd by choosing the same fonts that everybody else is using, only that some level of familiarity helps to gain the audience’s trust. Rather than using Helvetica specifically, you could use one of the many fonts derived from or inspired by Helvetica to stand out while still capitalizing on your viewer’s familiarity.

Keep in mind that any font choices you make may stick with the brand for a long time. Consider how people initially respond any time a famous brand changes the font in their logo-usually with disdain and a desire for a return to the old look. Gap, for example, met with a huge backlash on social media when they switched their well-known logo to a sans serif design. The negative response was so strong that they ended up changing it back within a week.

Utilizing the same fonts across multiple platforms and projects will build familiarity with the audience and keep the brand identity cohesive.

You may not realize it, but the fonts you choose can affect more than just the audience’s sense of sight. A recent TED talk from designer Sarah Hyndman revealed that people tend to associate fonts with specific smells and tastes. 

https://youtu.be/OXc-VZ4Vwbo

Knowing how fonts active your audience’s senses and sense memory can help your design better deliver its message. For example, people find menu items more appetizing (and even find that the actual food tastes better) when they’re written in a font that complements the food’s flavor.

A similar effect can apply to audience’s sense of sound, which is why a classical music album is considerably more likely to be printed with a script font.

Keep your recipients’ senses in mind when choosing fonts. If you’re marketing a brand of gasoline with a flowery, delicate typeface more suitable for a perfume, it’ll only confuse your audience.

Like we said before, you don’t always have to worry about using a complicated, hard-to-read font in a logo because thanks to Gestalt principles, audiences will perceive the logo as a whole idea rather than its individual parts. However, you might also want to consider using a complex font when delivering a direct message for the exact opposite reason—because forcing the audience to ignore the Gestalt principle and focus on the individual parts helps them to engage more directly.

This can be a dangerous game to play and you certainly have to know your audience to make it work, but when a font requires more work to decipher, it forces the audience pay attention.

That doesn’t mean you should always use some incomprehensible decorative font, just that there are certain opportunities when you can use this to your advantage.

Consider using more complex fonts when you want to give your reader the impression that a great deal of effort or skill is involved with whatever you’re talking about. For example, if you’re describing how an expensive product is made, a font that’s arduous to read will make the audience more receptive to the idea that what you’re selling takes a ton of hard work to create.

This is part of the reason why expensive restaurants often use especially hard-to-read typography in their menus.

What we’ve provided you with are merely guidelines, but there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to typography. You have to approach each situation differently because every situation is going to be different.

Before you commit to a font, see how others perceive it—for all you know, you might have your own emotional baggage you’re attaching to a font that’s making you connect to it in a different way than others do.

What do you look for in a font? What fonts do you see as trustworthy or stylish and which ones are you wary of? What do you think Times New Roman tastes like? We want to pick your brain, so leave a comment below!

-Vladimir Gendelman