Sensitive

9:53:00 AM

Being highly sensitive in the modern dating world can be as difficult as finding a good Adam Sandler movie. You reflect on things more than anyone else, and at times you feel like you’re just on another level. If you're lucky enough to date a highly sensitive person, hang on to them for life, we're a dying breed that's difficult but well worth it:

  • We feel deeper. - Ted Zeff, Ph.D., author of The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide and other books on highly sensitive people, says “They like to process things on a deep level. They're very intuitive, and go very deep inside to try to figure things out. This emotional depth is just a part of us and we’re able to connect on a deeper level than most people. Because we care a lot, we have really high moral standards and we'll never betray you or take you for granted. 
  • We don’t settle. - So when we’re with you, we’re with you. We only choose to be with someone who we’re crazy about, who satisfy us completely: emotionally, physically, metaphysically…
  • You’ll never be settling with us… - When you’re with us, we’ll make your cells dance in a way you’ve never experienced before. Highly sensitive people are rawer than others, and we might need some time to allow you into our rich, inner worlds. 
  • Be careful with criticism. - Highly sensitive people have reactions to criticism that are more intense than less sensitive people. According to Aron, Highly sensitive will, as a result, employ certain tactics to avoid said criticism, including people-pleasing (so that there is no longer anything to criticize), criticizing themselves first, and avoiding the source of the criticism altogether, according to Aron. A lot of us have a hard outer shell, but don't be fooled - be extremely careful when criticizing us. We can say, "Whatever," and put on a straight face, but the emotions will always catch up, they'll just come out in weird ways, and sometimes at very weird times, often through misdirected anger.
  • The thought of dating more than one person at a time makes us cringe. - What can we do; we want and need real passion. Yeah, we’ve heard the arguments that you can be in love with your partner and sleep with someone else won't take anything away from the relationship, but seriously... Commitment for us means boundless passion and love and because we only commit when we’re head over heels, we don’t even have an impulse to be with anyone else, it’s just not in our DNA.
  • We’re the first person you’ll want to see after a long day. - Highly sensitive people will have more empathy and feel more concern for a friend's problems, according to Aron. We’ll always be naturally in tune with how you’re feeling, so we’ll be able to see through any front you put up and make you jump into the deep end.
  • We need a lot of support and nurturing. - We’re more prone to anxiety and depression - I guess that just comes with the territory of being so emotional. Aron explains, "If you've had a fair number of bad experiences, especially early in life, so you don't feel safe in the world or you don't feel secure at home or... at school, your nervous system is set to 'anxious.'" But that doesn’t mean that all highly sensitive people will go on to have anxiety -- actually, if you are nurturing of us this can go a long way to protect us from anxiety. 
  • That doesn’t mean we’re needy, though. - A lot of us are highly independent people, we just feel more, man. You can’t over-protect us, but you can’t under-protect us, either. It’s a balance. 
  • We have times where we don't want to hear problems. - We seek deep meaning in all our relationships, but sometimes we care too much. At times we might not want to hear about the harsh stuff because we’re overly sensitive. People’s suffering affects us a lot so don’t be fooled into thinking we’re surfacey and don’t care; it’s quite the opposite. So don't judge us for watching dumb reality shows - sometimes we just need a break from our mind-numbingly introspective heads.
  • Some of us are bad at expressing just how sensitive we are. - Be patient with us. We're complicated and have a lot of layers, there's a lot going on in our heads at all times. We go out of our way to make other people feel comfortable and happy so sometimes we forget to nurture are own needs. Let us know that even though we're strong, it's ok to let ourselves be weak, sometimes, and fall into someone else's arms without fear of being vulnerable. 
  • You can’t bullshit us. - We often have a keen eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around us. We always know when you're lying, even to yourself.

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